Sunday, March 1, 2009

Preserved In Amber: The Republicans Of Multnomah County

With a cheerful hat-tip to The Ridenbaugh Press, we go into the political wilds of Multnomah County with our witty guide, "Steven" Beaven (a name we're sure is a nom-de-guerre, but we digress).

After wading through the thick, stereotype-laden verbiage at the front of the article (latte-liberals crowding coffeehouses and organic food stores? You were so good in The Back Seat, Beaven, please try a little harder will you?) we stumble on the endangered species in their natural habitat which is, apparently, Urban Grind Coffeehouse.

Must've had wide shoulders indeed to crowd out all those latte liberals, we note in the expeditionary records.

Regardless of "Steven"'s phoned-in approach to the article an honesty of recording of the natural habitat of these natives is evident of the report, and we won't criticize it save to raise an eyebrow at the hackeneyed embroidery, and we will let it stand in its stead. Our focus is on those chimerae of expressions, those clues that tell us how this tribe looks upon the world about it. To wit:

"We're up against such entrenched interests right now," said Dan
Chriestenson, a marketing manager in the auto industry. "I'm just a guy
from Gresham. But I'm willing to step up against this tidal wave


"We're trying to get more people involved in the political process,"
said Renee Kimball, a precinct committee person for the Multnomah
County Republican Party who helped moderate the meeting. "The problem
has been too few people making way too many decisions


"I don't feel like there's a balance in representation," said Lisa
Sullivan, a precinct committee person from Portland. "I think there are
a lot of voices that aren't being heard."

I've waxed prolix on this before. But experienced Republican-watchers have already picked up what I'm trying to put down.

Notice how the world is characterized. Republicans never lose something so much as it's taken from them, most notably by nefarious means (not that that's necessarily operant here, but they may well be thinking this in their deep-down). Republicans are never out of favor because they fail to respond to the changing environment (should we be surprised that they deny global climate change?) but because someone took their ball and won't let them play anymore. The wide gap in regstration in Multnomah County isn't because more people are in synch the Democratic program, it's because of a tidal wave of entrenched interests. The lack of Republican credibility isn't because the Republican party is ridiculously out of touch, it's because not enough people are involved in the political process. You didn't vote Democrats in–they took over somehow!

The Republican party isn't unpopular, you see. Voices are being silenced here!

They haven't written themselves out of the picture. They're being excluded!

The whine is becoming vintage Kremersque.

Ah, if only they could dissolve the people and elect another, yes? But as long as the Oregon ideal of the able Republican is people like Mr T. and Lynn Snodgrass and Karen Minnis and such, the past is exactly where you're going to stay.

Our foray into the political wilderness has been instructive, but we must return to civilization at this point, where liberals pack the coffeehouses as well as the greasy-spoons, the Albertsons and Safeways as well as the Whole Foods and New Seasons, and will continue to crowd Republicans out of the voting booths (which haven't existed for more than a decade anyway, since vote-by-mail) and public discourse as long as they insist on living in the 1950s and wondering why the world moved on without them.


  1. This blog should be called
    Real Oregon Banality :-)

  2. Well, lady, let me tell you ... you have me dead to rights. You have my number. You see right through me!

    I shall be deleting this blog forthwith!