The Problem With Oregon Republicans, Part 3.

• For Part 2 of this white paper series, go here.
• For Part 1 of this white paper series, go here.

In 1953, chafing under the developing Stalinist government of the SED, the workers actually had an uprising.

Just like every mass movement in the people's name only, this was a Bad Thing™. The famous poet and playwright Bertholt Brecht famously, wryly and critically observed thus:

After the uprising of the 17th of June
The Secretary of the Writers Union
Had leaflets distributed in the Stalinallee
Stating that the people
Had thrown away the confidence of the government
And could win it back only
By redoubled efforts. Would it not be easier
In that case for the government
To dissolve the people
And elect another?

Ironically, Brecht moved to East Germany after being targeted by Tail Gunner Joe, and still died one of East Germany's most celebrated cultural treasures, even after that criticism. The people didn't much care for the suppression of the Uprising at all, but the SED government liked it enough to rename one of Berlin's most famous streets–Unter den Linden–Strasse des 17. Juni. Which should surprise us not. But I digress.

Why am I going on about East German and Cold War history? That's about as far away from Oregon Republicans as they are from winning the Mahonia Hall next time out.

I have in the past opined that the Republican party is as addictied to message and symbol as a tweaker is to his or her crystal (no disrespect meant to drug users). This works into it to.

Set the wayback machine to November 2004. Smarting from what was one of the first to be many well-deserved electoral setbacks, Ron Saxton (who would go on to carry the R standard only to lose it to Governor K) decided to go for credibilty by assuming the mantle of Owly Pundit. On a day in November 2004, Ron turned his big, wet compassionate eyes on the citizenry not wise enough to be watching Judge Judy at the time and begged us for a more powerful Republican party.

This was after the Rs recieved a drubbing that should have suggested to them that they were on the wrong track. But Oregon Republicans are incapable of learning the lessons of history.

Come back up to the present. The Oregon Republican party passed a turning point where they refused to turn by electing the past (Mr. T.) to guide them to their future. The national Rs elect renowned black man Michael Steele as chair and Mr T. gloats that this changes the perception of the party as the party of old rich white businessman.

Do you see the theme yet? It changes the perception. They telegraphed thier whole playbook right there and then.

Caught on the wrong side of history and, frequently, the wrong side of brain, the Republican party simply amps up the message.

Just like those ungrateful proles in 1953 East Berlin, today's voter just. won't. go. along. We look around and see our commons crumbling, life being reduced to eat or be eaten, we finally figure out it's because of Republicans, and they start losing elections.

They can't choose another electorate. So, the recode the message. Use different words. WRITE IN ALL CAPS. Let us paint you the picture ... did we use oils last time? Let's try watercolors. Oh, we used those? How about gouache? Tattoos? Igpay atinlay? PUMP UP THE VOLUME! Be "cool". Talk "ubby-dubby" like those kids on Zoom always did.

The Message™ didn't take? Rearrange the Message™. Reboot the Message™. Massage the Message™. Embroider the Message™. Color it green. Fly a gay-friendly flag from it.

Just don't look behind it, because you'll find that the Republican party may have a great message (or at least great production values–kind of like Battlefield Earth) but the message is like (if I may be allowed one more Commie reference) a Potemkin village–party out front, nothing in the back. Such is the addiction of Message™ over actual substance, but this apparently does not bother them at all.

The Republican party looks like a party that's trying to bring itself up from it's past, but in reality, it really is still the party of old, white businessman, terrified with the idea of becoming a Caucasian minority in thier own homeland (which we got by carving a new life out of the American Indian).

But, gosh, if we'd just listen to the Message™, we'd Get On Board™, and elect more Republicans. We'd have to disbelieve our lying eyes about what letting Republicans touch our stuff has done, but it's so important to elect more Republicans.

If only they could dissolve the people, and elect another. That'd be sa-weet!

Pinnacle Bank of Beaverton EATED (Updated)

(with apologies for stealing this format from the great Eschaton)

The one-branch Pinnacle Bank of Beaverton: EATED by the Feds.

First Oregon bank EATED in 17 Years, according to The Oregonian.

Doing the math, we find one-branch minus one-branch equals zero branches.

Updated: This is the Wayback Machine's last snapshot of Pinnacle Banks' webpage, generated in October 2007. Is it just me, or did the entire banking "industry" start to go downhill when the services they provided become "products"? Deposit products? Whatever the hell is that supposed to be?

Blackwater is now "Xe"; There, That's all Fixed Then!

(the AP, via various sources), Blackwater, the great private army, is now ... "Xe":

Blackwater Worldwide is abandoning the
tarnished brand name that has defined the beleaguered company since its
founding more than a decade ago.

Blackwater officials said
Friday its family of two dozen business will now operate under the name
Xe, pronounced like the letter "z."

The decision comes as part
of an ongoing rebranding effort that grew more urgent following a
September 2007 shooting in Iraq that left at least a dozen civilians
dead.

Well, Mom always said if anything'll tarnish a brand name, it's the wanton killing of people.

Oh, the training centers haven't gone away though. They're now called the U.S. Training Centers. And the logo hasn't changed. So, hey, good times.

Greg Walden Goes All Democrat On Peanut Execs

What's that smell on the air? Why, it's not the approach of spring, but it's the scent of the contaminated US food supply, Congress finally doing something about it, and corporate execs trying to figure out how to get away with it all in the new, less-business-friendly (read: we can no longer do whatever the hell we want) Democratic climate.

And who's that fellow ... the one growing a backbone and standing up to challenge the dastards that have sickened people all over the country with bad peanuts? Why, it's Oregon's newest Democrat, The Dryside Renegade, Greg Walden, with his eye on winning his next election doing the right thing for you, the citizen:

Oh, he hasn't changed his registration, but he's sure sounding like a Democrat:

Oregon Republican Representative Greg Walden also criticised the firm,
saying: "Lives were lost and people were sickened because they took a
chance, I believe knowingly, with products that were contaminated."

Mr Walden held up a jar containing recalled products - wrapped
in crime-scene tape - and asked whether Mr Parnell would be willing to
eat the food inside.

Apparently that newfound spirit has made him a stronger man, as that can is easily twice the size of his head.

I'll give Greg this: he's no dummy. As the last remaining Oregon Republican in the congressional delegation, he knows the handwritings on the wall. Oh, I don't think he kicks kittens or hopes his kids eat contaminated PBJs (neither do we). But, you know, he had eight years to object to business getting to do whatever the hell it wanted to avoid losing profits instead of the right thing, and you know what?

I don't recall him ever being this concerned about it. Just like the rest of his party.

I also don't really think that he'd mind if they just let the poor peanut producers off the hook: after all, Salmonella happens, right? Nobody could have forseen. But as long as he's doing the right thing instead of the Right Wing, we are at least going to tip our cap to him.

For the record, Mr. Parnell did not eat any of the proffered possibly polluted peanut goodness.

For that matter, he didn't speak up at all. Invoked the fifth, I hear.

However, Mr Walden, we must say: Crime scene tape? Nice touch. Well played, sir.

The Problem With Oregon Republicans, Part 2.

You all will recall that in my last white-paper on this subject (so called because it's mostly about white people, this being Oregon and our Republicans and all) we got up right to the point that the Republicans in Oregon found themselves at a crossroads.

Class is back in session. Take notes. I won't test you, but life and future generations will.

The Republican Party in Oregon is a group of chumps right now. Nobody likes them, not enough people will vote for them to help them win anything, and they wander about like lost calves, lowing "Why? Why have we been consigned to this wilderness? What cruel fate has sent us here?"

They are indeed at a crossroads. They can turn in the good way, or the bad way, because they present themselves with a choice: learn their lesson, talk to the people instead of at them, and spend a few cycles as the State Chumpions, or stick to the tried, true and comfortable.

Since Oregon Republicans hew to the Einsteinian definiton of insanity (doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results) the odds of that happening were likely as me becoming the next Chuck Pahlahniuk. Wouldn't cross the street on those odds.

Therefore, to signify this is the turning point at which Oregon Republicans to turn, two names came to the fore.

One, Lynn Snobgrass–er, sorry, Snodgrass (I make that mistake all the time, so if I say Snobgrass, you'll know what I mean), was famous for beginning the era of refusing to work with Democrats in the Oregon House of Reps. She was elected to the position of Sphincter of the House in 1999 and served as House Sphincter until 2001.

The position of House Sphincter is one all Oregon House Republicans aspire to. It's called such because, as with the muscle, it can close tight and not let anything through (such as when Democratic bills came toward passage) but when it opens, releases all sorts of nastiness (anything sponsored by a Republican). Snobgrass set the tone, and it reached its awesome perfection in the two terms of Karen Minnis, who, if anything, was an even tighter House Sphincter than Snobgrass was!

Minnis's reign of terror was made notable by the playing of the game Puss-in-the-Corner, although the Oregon House Republican version involved getting a Democrat in the corner and kicking them in the puss (and I mean face here, not what some of you hooligans are thinking).

Lynn Snobgrass made Karen Minnis necessary, because that trajectory only goes in one place.

The other one (before I digress any further) is professional public-employee-union bully Bob "Mr T." Tiernan. Back in the 90s his schtick was to talk smack about public employees and tell enough lies about them that eventually Joe Schmoe out in East Undershirt thought there was nothing wrong with Oregon voters helping themselves to the contracts they negotiated and gratuitiously rewriting them, in crayon if possible (fortunately saner heads on the Oregon Supreme Court pointed out that this wasn't quite fair).

State employees, to their credit, continue to serve Mr. T along with all Oregonians. Mr T, for his part, continues to Pity The Fools.

The destination of my prolix meadering above is this: Throughout the 1990s, Snobgrass and Mr. T helped to finish a reputation of Oregon Republicans as snotty bullies who either ignored or ganged up on and beat up anyone who opposed them or disagreed with them. The claimed government was broken and to prove it, got elected to the State House and proceeded to break it. The Lege, especially during the Snobgrass-Minnis Reign of Terror, produced very little of use to anyone. It was thier way or the highway (Sunset, Mt Hood, didn't matter–don't go away mad, fellah, just go away).

It took Jeff Merkley to get it working again, but that is another thing for another time.

I assert that the main reason that people don't vote Oregon Republicans in is because they're fed up with the mean, angry, "screw you if you don't like it" conservatism that was Snobgrass's and Mr T. stock in trade.

Sadly for the Republicans, that ilk has pretty much driven out any decent, reasonable, moderate Republicans that Oregon had in its party. If Tom McCall were alive today, he'd get excluded out of town on a rail. I predict that they will be pretty much throwing poop at the memory of Mark Hatfield not long after his demise; he advocated getting along with Democrats too, and that can't be tolerated–either that, or they'll remake him like the national party is remaking the image of Reagan.

So, not only did the Reupublican party in Oregon refuse to turn ... they really can't. Thier steering wheel only turns Right, too bad for them.

History will record (already has, in fact) that Mr T. ascended to the Party chair. And, as this discourse demonstrates, is already starting to leave his own bizarre stamp of personality on the party.

It would be neat if the Oregon Republican party would consign itself to the ash-heap of Oregon history; I fear we will not be that lucky. But at least with a leadership this out-of-touch with Real Oregon Reality, we can at least hope that they will wander in the wilderness for a good long time.

Next time in this series, we'll discuss Oregon Republican's communication skills–which are more suited to a virtual world than the real one. Fortunately, they seem to live in one. But I get ahead of myself.

It's Bob Tiernan's World. Michael Steele Just Lives There.

One of the eternal verities in Republican politics is that regardless of what's actually happened in reality (the one you and I get to live in), Republican World is full of virtuous heroes whos mere manly presence (sometimes, even the women) swings The Great Events in The Direction They Must Go.

They make the wheels turn correctly, for all our sakes. And we reward them by electing Democrats to office ... the cheek!

Anyway! It is with eye highly jaundiced, then, that I note that the Shadout Mapes apparently is apparently on that amazing Republican's, Bob Tiernan's speed dial:

At any rate, Tiernan's thrilled because he was one of the whips for the Steele candidacy and says he was with him from the beginning.

Well, we'll give Mr T. the benefit of the doubt on this one. It's an interestingly-crafted statement, that's sure.

"Oregon's going to have some very close ties to the new team," Tiernan said, "and it's going to benefit us."

Just what we all needed with a dynamic new Democrat in the White House ... close ties with a bunch of Republicans who've lost thier way. I don't know what kind of benefits that's supposed to accrue to Oregon, but after twelve years of Republican benefits, I'll take a pass, thanks.

Tiernan said he was attracted to Steele by his dynanism and ability to articulate Republican values. He said Steele's ethnicity helps bust the stereotype that the GOP is a "party of old white guys who only care about business."

This is part of The Problem With Republicans™. Merely electing a black man to lead a party of old white guys that only care about business explodes the stereotype that the GOP is a cabal of old, rich white guys.

It just "busts" the stereotype. It doesn't actually change the fact that the GOP is a party of old white guys who only care about business.

These people care so much about message they think message is all there is to care about. If there's one thing national Republicans lately have taught us is that they haven't changed at all.
So, I'm glad Mr T.'s thrilled, and feels as though he's played a pivotal part (I wonder how many whips there were for the Steele candidacy? Three? Five? Fifty? And when I hear "whip" near the word "Republican", why do I think "leather"?), because in Republican World, you have to be at the center.

But I'm not buyin' it.

I quit giving the Republican party the benefit of the doubt some time back.

And if I had Mr T. calling me to chat, I'd be considering "restraining order".